Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
