You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
