That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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