Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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