I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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