Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
