dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize