I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hope I didnāt eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
