shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
