my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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