it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
