Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
