Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
