he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
