he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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