I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
