he thought i was a dude.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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