She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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