Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
