I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
