and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
