I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
