I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
