Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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