i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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