do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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