she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
