Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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