I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
