You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had to cum in my sink.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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