We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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