My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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