was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm too high and old for this...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
