I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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