So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
