why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
