My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
