You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
