we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
