I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize