Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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