Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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