I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
