At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
