I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize