margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
