the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
