I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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