hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
