I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
