I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
