my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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