Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
