nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
