just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
