DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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