We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize