3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
