Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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