I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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