Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
