Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
