I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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