I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Randomize
