Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
