Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
