Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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